Today, I though I’d buy my local paper and, just sort of walk you through it, maybe make a little light mockery. Firstly I want to make a couple of points: the Kingsbridge and Salcombe Gazette is only a weekly paper, bear in mind, this is the West Country, where nothing much happens. At all; and also, I want you to keep an open mind and don’t stereotype us before you know about us. We aren’t all farmers and fisherman you know. Bearing all of this in mind, let’s begin.
It’s a tabloid format for a start, front page has three stories on it, one is just a picture of some children from one of the local primary schools who had raised money for Comic Relief. The main story dealt with the local police, saying that due to spending cuts, more will be moved towards the Totnes area (it’s full of weirdoes over there so they need a strong presence). And the last one is about… a farmer. Brilliant.
Moving swiftly on, page two has some god-awful alliteration fo us to enjoy: “Players preparing a perfect production.” you can smell the rube-ness through the internet can’t you? There are also several stories basically complaining about teenagers and the like. Par for the course when you live in an area where people come to die in peace. Page three (don’t worry I wont do every single page) has some pictures of schoolchildren… awkward times.
The next few pages hold the family announcement section, designed to embarrass anyone who has the gall to turn 18 by putting up a baby photo of them, as well as several local ads some karate related stories, and a report saying that more than a third of the South West’s teachers have been abused online. That’ll teach them to set homework.
This is followed by Letters to the Editor. I don’t really need to describe them do I? you can guess the calibre. Village Voice then rears its head, this is essentially a few pages in which local residents write a small column about what is happening in each village or town of the area.
At this point I did get a little bored so I skipped ahead to the Readers’ Pictures. A section in which people can send in pictures of the area looking nice. One of these put a smile on my face: “Great tits in Strete” says the caption… It’s a picture of some birds! you dirty minded little minx.
We then have some pages of random things such as “Delving into the Past” which looks at pictures and stories from the 1950’s and earlier. One details a gravestone of a girls who was burnt at the stake for poisoning her boss. This was about 70 years ago now (Kidding! We’re not that backward, it was 1782 if you actually want to know). Then there are the Classifieds (anyone want a bridesmaid’s dress. Pink size 8-10. £10?)
From then on there’s a little about real estate, and finishing with the sport, we seem to be losing everything except netball (and this weirded me out because there were boys on the netball team, I mean they were primary school kids but still).
Conclusion time! I feel a little wrung out. There’s just something you can’t get away from when it comes to local papers. It feels as though your Grandmother wrote it. And that you’re being told off. Maybe that’s just Devon, or more specifically, the South Hams.
Let me know what sort of reaction you get from your local paper. If you read the whole post and are still awake.
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