Friday News Roundup: GCSE results are sexist, dieters have it rough, and I don’t understand this country’s justice system.

Here are some stories from today’s paper that caught my eye.

Firstly, stealing the thunder of the A-levels, this year’s GCSE results have found that the gender divide is growing wider, with girls streaking ahead in most academic subjects. Surprise, surprise, adolescent boys have something to do with their hands that’s more fun than revising…

Next we have a report that fewer students are taking modern languages (I think they‘re all waiting on ancient Sumerian to be reintroduced to the syllabus), with the number of students taking French and German having fallen by 13% since last year. Speaking as someone who took both Italian and French for GCSE, as well as French at A-level, take it from me. It’s because they’re hard. Besides if you go abroad all you have to do is talk loudly at people. Everybody knows that.

Bad news for the obese, next, as scientists have found that cutting 500 calories per day does not, in fact, result in a one-pound weight loss per week, as had previously been thought. Reasons include changes to the body’s metabolism as weight is lost. To summarise, that one chocolate bar you forgo, does bugger all. You’re probably best off following Ricky Gervais’ advice: put the fridge in the attic and make yourself work for your food.

In London riots news, a looter who stole a coffee flavoured ice cream, only to lick it once before giving it away as he didn’t like the taste, was given a 16 month jail term. Now, I have no problem with him getting a jail term. After all, it’s the principle of the thing that matters. But what I don’t understand is how one person can get a year and a half sentence for nicking an ice cream, when another can admit to looting, in court and be given a one-day prison sentence which he doesn’t have to serve, since he had been in custody for most of that time already. Will someone please explain the logic of that to me? Obviously the guy will get a criminal record, but still, a day! it probably costs a lot more than it was worth just to process the guy. Unfortunately I can’t find a link to that particular case, but if anyone else can, I’d be much obliged.

And finally, everybody’s favourite Italian PM, Silvio Berlusconi has announced herbal tea, to be the secret to his success. So if you want to be just like him, get drinking that tea! Well… that, and become a massive media mogul, who runs a country, and has ‘relations’ with loads of beautiful young women…Here endeth the lesson.

Gender Gap: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-14666847

Modern Languages: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/the-big-question-why-are-fewer-students-choosing-to-study-foreign-languages-at-gcse-413245.html

Ice Cream Looter: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/8722733/UK-riots-Looter-who-pinched-too-scoops-of-ice-cream-jailed-for-16-months.html

Berlusconi’s Superdrug: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/berlusconis-diet-secret-revealed-herbal-tea-2344114.html

Didn't Need to Go to Rehab? Wishful Thinking.

The latest news concerning Amy Winehouse has revealed that she had no drugs in her system when she died. This has obviously been a relief to all of her family who said they wanted to put the record straight. But (and I don’t mean to be  deliberately offensive here) are we seriously supposed to believe that her death was not at all related to drugs? To be sure it’s good that it wasn’t an overdose. But with her relationship to drugs, you can’t tell me that the cause of death (whatever it turns out to be) is going to be anything particularly natural. I mean we’re not looking at Cot death here are we?

The Sun does say, despite stamping ‘OFFICIAL DEATH REPORT’ onto their front page with a picture of the rehab neglecting celeb, that the cause of death won’t be announced until late October.Who knows, maybe there was divine intervention so as to secure her a place in the hallowed 27 club.

Once again I want to stress that I don’t mean to be insensitive. I have no particular enmity with Winehouse, as many people have a tendency to suddenly reveal when any famous person dies. Frankly I’m pretty ambivalent about it. I wasn’t a fan, but I also didn’t dislike her enough to make anything about it. But at the same time, I see how much positive press there is about her at the moment (which, to a point is understandable, everyone deserves respect in death),  and some of it sets my teeth on edge. I just don’t agree with making martyrs out of people, in death; who, in life, no one should ever have emulated.

The Final A-level: I'm Sorry, Your Princess is in Another University.

Or, more likely, she's quite possibly not in any of them.

That's right folks, the time of year arrived in which, here in the UK, our young gather in their droves at schools all across the country to open the dreaded brown envelope and find out their A-level results. This was, of course, a couple of days ago, but you see where I'm going.

As a matter of fact, this year has been even better than the last 29 years worth of improving results (pause for right-wingers to whine about how standards have been slipping. Maybe with an "In my day..." thrown in for good measure). But, behind the newspaper's pictures of, as the i puts it, "girls with long glossy hair embracing each other on a lawn with mellow stone buildings in the background," (see link below for an attempt to prove this statement) is the rather large problem facing a huge majority of would-be applicants, that there are about thirty thousand vacancies left, for nearly two hundred thousand applicants going through clearing. Those kinds of figures make me very glad to have gotten in when I did. If I had dilly-dallied I might have had to actually get a job!

Some have put this crushing number of students down to a (rather fervent) wish to get in before fees rise in 2012. Whether or not this is the case, it remains to be seen if universities are going to just say 'bugger it' and start taking bribes. Or, perhaps more likely perhaps not, decide between the types of student will benefit them the most: The rich privileged kiddywinkles who rock up in 'Daddy's lotus,' or the students from minority groups and underprivileged backgrounds which help to keep up appearances for the equal opportunities parade (ooh controversy!).

I do wonder what will happen for the students that have the grades, or near enough, but don't have their places. Will they simply wait and try again next year? And if so, will that create an almost permanent queue to which future students will have to join the back of? I'd say something cheerful about the world always needing bin men, but I'm not sure that's what they want to hear right now.

Hey, there's always Big Brother!
For some reason...

But until then, here's some sexy A-level pictures:  http://sexyalevels.tumblr.com/