How Much Coke Did Charlie Sheen Take?

Okay deep breaths, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have something to confess avid readers. Today, I bought the Daily Star. I know, I know, but I’m trying to acquaint myself with all forms of  -ahem - journalism (I think I made that joke in my Pun in the Sun post… meh). No offence to any die-hard Star readers by the way... how is it in the C2DE social grade?

Who thought that was a good idea?

But enough bullying the lower classes, which technically includes my dad… awkward. After scouring the paper for a story I could laugh at, as is my custom, I finally settled on one featuring TV’s craziest man, Charlie Sheen. Now I wouldn’t normally sink to celebrity based news as I think it’s too easy. But bear in mind. I was reading the Star. Besides, at this point, watching Charlie Sheen’s antics is more like seeing a train falling down a cliff into a patch of landmines and then ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe, unleashing Cthulhu on the world to ravage humankind for all of eternity. You get the drift.

For anyone who either has no idea who Charlie Sheen is, or why he should be in the news. Well it’s relatively complicated but essentially it started a month or two ago when he went a bit crazy in a hotel room with a ‘porn star’ and it’s been a downhill, drug crazed, slope ever since. Most recently with his being sacked from TV show Two and a Half Men, for which he was paid £1.2 m an episode. And they say footballers are overpaid. He has since got a little nuts, done some crazy internet rants, and waved a machete around whilst standing on a rooftop.

The particular aspect of the story that the Star went with was that Hollywood legend, and "Beetle Juice star Alec Baldwin" has told Sheen to “sober up, say sorry and beg for your job back.”

Makes you think doesn’t it? I mean, surely they could have picked something other than ‘Beetle Juice star’ to announce Alec Baldwin. He's been in countless other films and has 10 acting awards. Just a thought.


For those of you wondering how much coke Charlie Sheen took. It was enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Always end on a bad joke.